Yeah. I'm not changing my mind anymore. I know what I want. And I will keep working toward it for the rest of my life. Nothing will ever change my mind again. I'm happy. With my decision. With everything. And it's not a lie to say it anymore. I. Am. Happy.
:)
-Elle
24 June 2011
22 June 2011
The Best Day Ever.
1314 Wednesday 22 June 2011
Yesterday was absolutely perfect. Seriously. Ian took me to see Ezra and I had the time of my life. I hadn't laughed that much (or that hard) in so long. I can't believe how much I missed him. I was so sad having to leave. I never want to leave that boy. He's the most amazing person in the entire world. It hurts me to see him sad, but it's what he wants. He needs time to cope with everything that's happened the past few weeks. I'm here to support him always. :)
Nick should be coming today. If not... honestly, really tired of getting stood up.
Shawn tried to kill himself last night. "I would rather die now, having everything you have given me, than believing that you don't want anything to do with me." He took a slew of drugs his friends have given him over time and mixed it with alcohol. It's not fair to me. If he dies, it will be my fault. His family, my family, our friends. They will blame it on me. I don't want that. But it's either stay with him and be miserable, or leave him and he dies. What the fuck. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be with him. Especially if he keeps acting the same way that made me fall out of love with him. But I don't want to lose him completely either. I want us to still be friends...
By the way, I keep having these strange bouts where I'll try to cry but no tears will come. I'll even think of a really extreme scenario, and tears come, but they don't last. I find it truly bothersome. Crying used to come so easily for me. I don't know what's causing this.
Anyway, I'm going to surf r/nosleep for a while. At least until Nick gets here, if he ever does.
I love you, Ezra. Forever and always. :)
-Elle
Yesterday was absolutely perfect. Seriously. Ian took me to see Ezra and I had the time of my life. I hadn't laughed that much (or that hard) in so long. I can't believe how much I missed him. I was so sad having to leave. I never want to leave that boy. He's the most amazing person in the entire world. It hurts me to see him sad, but it's what he wants. He needs time to cope with everything that's happened the past few weeks. I'm here to support him always. :)
Nick should be coming today. If not... honestly, really tired of getting stood up.
Shawn tried to kill himself last night. "I would rather die now, having everything you have given me, than believing that you don't want anything to do with me." He took a slew of drugs his friends have given him over time and mixed it with alcohol. It's not fair to me. If he dies, it will be my fault. His family, my family, our friends. They will blame it on me. I don't want that. But it's either stay with him and be miserable, or leave him and he dies. What the fuck. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be with him. Especially if he keeps acting the same way that made me fall out of love with him. But I don't want to lose him completely either. I want us to still be friends...
By the way, I keep having these strange bouts where I'll try to cry but no tears will come. I'll even think of a really extreme scenario, and tears come, but they don't last. I find it truly bothersome. Crying used to come so easily for me. I don't know what's causing this.
Anyway, I'm going to surf r/nosleep for a while. At least until Nick gets here, if he ever does.
I love you, Ezra. Forever and always. :)
-Elle
19 June 2011
Update
1933 Sunday 19 June 2011
Haven't written in such a long time, it feels.
Lots of things happened. Some good, some bad.
Ty came over on the 12th. That was fun.
Nick is coming over tomorrow. I'm excited.
And Ian is taking me to see Ezra on Tuesday. Can't wait!
Think I'm going to hop in the shower,
-Elle
Haven't written in such a long time, it feels.
Lots of things happened. Some good, some bad.
Ty came over on the 12th. That was fun.
Nick is coming over tomorrow. I'm excited.
And Ian is taking me to see Ezra on Tuesday. Can't wait!
Think I'm going to hop in the shower,
-Elle
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