100 Tuesday 6 March 2012
Hah just thought of something. I wonder if there is an /r/dates. Like the food, not the romantic encounter. And their voting systems up-dates and down-dates. Hah, I make myself giggle.
Been going to church with Mimi on Wednesdays and Sundays. Joined choir and handbell. So far, it's been fun. The people at University Baptist Church are so friendly!!! They've made me feel so welcome. And they don't preach about stupid controversial shit like gay marriage and sinners and atheists. They preach about being a good person on the inside and caring about one another. THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.
My top-right wisdom tooth that's already all the way in has been hurting for a while. Jaw muscle/tendon thing too. Deborah says it's the weather.
Had a conversation with Ezra the other day about how I want to live somewhere that's not here. I think he took it the wrong way. I only meant that I wish I could fast forward time so we could have enough money for an apartment together. He used to say I'll get bored with him and bored of living here. While I am not and will never be bored with HIM, I do admit I am bored living here ONLY because I want to share a place of our own with him. It's nothing against his family but there are 6 people, 2 dogs, and 2 cats living here. Plus, I don't like getting woken up from people talking too loud in the other room. I don't like cleaning other peoples' messes besides Ezra's and my own. I don't like my boyfriend's sister's boyfriend farting everywhere, or talking so loud, or annoying Deborah all the time. I don't want to have to plan a shower around everyone else in the house. Most of all, I want more space. I want my own kitchen, my own couch, my own bathrooms (OUR OWN TOILET), a bedroom with space for 2 dressers and a bigger closet that's not full of Graylyn's stuff (I might need to buy hangers because I left all of mine at home but anyway). My own appliances. An actual bed, not a pull-out couch. A clean place that we can make dirty if we want, but it would be OUR mess and it would be so much easier to clean. No, I do not want to go back home to live with my mom. That defeats the purpose of moving here. I came here because I wanted to be with Ezra. Not deal with back and forth chauffeurs. I love it here. I love Mebane. I love being with Ezra constantly. I love the freedom. I don't love the job market (or the economy). I don't love this cramped house.
Ezra. I just want to say that nothing's wrong. Don't fret, my love. I'm neither mad at anything or sad about anything. I love you. I love being with you. You've made me happier than I've ever been and I don't want anything else but to be with you forever and have an awesome life. I just think that it'll be about 20% cooler when we have our own place. ;)
Been looking for a job. Wanted to work at GameStop but not hiring/had to accept a transfer for the time being. Waiting 2 weeks for that. I sent in online applications at Bojangles, McDonald's, and Wendy's. I really don't want to work in fast food, but it's money I suppose. For now. Until I get some job I'd rather have.
Speaking of work and stuff. Ezra asked me what I want to do with my life. I thought I knew the answer to that question. Guess not. At first I wanted to be a forensic scientist. I was obsessed with CSI. That changed to Psychology, because I loved wondering how people's brains worked and why people do and think what they do (and think). Then that turned to computer science because computers are freaking cool. But now... I just think I'm frustrated with not having a job or money. I get so stressed about feeling like I'm behind on my life. I need a permit/license, I need a job, I want to go back to school eventually, I want money of my own, an apartment/trailer, a car, my brain wants babies, but I'm not having one until after I'm married. For all that stuff I need money. Once I get back on track, I'm sure that my dreams of being an IT will resurface.
I need to clean this room again. Shit's all over the floor. I know I'm a woman and should LOOOOOOOVE to clean but sometimes I'm just not in the mood to. I know I ask Ezra to "just help around the house" every now and then, and although it would be nice, I don't expect it from him. It's just nice to share chores and have some company so I won't have to do it by myself and It'll be done quicker.
Ooooooohhhhhhhh, and I haven't had sex in a week. Mostly because Ezra's been working, playing Red Dead Redemption, and sleeping. I'm not the kind of person that asks for sex. It makes it awkward for me. It doesn't make me in the mood when I have to ask. And it's not like I haven't been throwing out signs. Walking around naked, grabbing my boobs for no reason. Ezra said he doesn't pick up on signals or thoughts. If I want it, just ask for it, and I do know that. Don't get me wrong, if I was capable of doing so I would all the time. I might be able to sometimes, but that's because I worked up a lot of courage or just got tired of waiting lol. He just doesn't understand. He has problems outwardly showing emotions. Well, I have problems outwardly asking/begging for sex. I thought maybe I would get some this morning but he just got a happy ending and got up. Maybe tomorrow, who knows haha. xD I don't need it to be happy, but it is nice and feels good and releases nice, feel-goody brain chemicals and reduces my stress/frustrations. AND I'm probably going to menstrate soon, so I would like to strike while the iron is hot. Or it'll be 2 weeks. Might die. ;)
EDIT: Shark week right now. Oh well.
IIIII NEEEEEEEED TOOOOO WOOOORK OOUUUUTTTTTTTTTTT!!!! Seriously! It needs to be warm enough to go jogging/biking. I need to be more motivated to do sit-ups and other worky-outy stuff. IIIII'M GETTINNNNNNNNNNNG SOOOOO FAAAAAAAAAAT AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGHGHGHHBBBLLLBLBLBPFFFCHOOOKKKKAAAAAAAA. I mean actually, last time I weighed myself I was like 120-something, which is absolutely average for my age and height. But on my bone structure? It looks like I'm overweight. Love handles, and cottage-cheese thighs. AND MY BOOOOBS ARE SOOO HUUUUGE!!! Yeah I'm probably over-exaggerating. Except for my boobs. But still. I need to lose some serious poundage. I want to be able to fit in my clothes and feel comfortable about my body again.
Anywhooo. I think that's it. I have to urinate now.
Bye!
-Elle
