245 Wednesday 20 April 2011
So, my mom has to take her boyfriend to the doctor on Thursday and I won't be able to see Ezra (or Terry), but she said she will take me next week. Ty is coming over this weekend. We're going to play piano and flute duets because we're cool like that, and going to see Insidious. I'm so excited. Giving Ezra my old computer speakers because I don't use them anymore. I need to trim my hair, just the ends so they don't look fried. I'm watching the Ed, Edd, and Eddy movie on YouTube.
Kinda tired,
-Elle
20 April 2011
17 April 2011
I love that I hate you... I hate that I love you...
1538 Sunday 17 April 2011
It's my dad's birthday.
Shawn keeps snooping through my profiles (facebook, youtube, etc.) and it's pissing me off.
I'm so bored.
Can't wait to see Ezra and Ty soon. 4 more and 6 more days, respectively.
I'm hungry.
I don't know what to do or think anymore. My mind keeps changing. My feelings keep flipping. I see an opening and I want to take it, but I'm afraid of the consequences. Because something ALWAYS goes wrong. Nothing EVER goes the way I plan it to. So I don't take that opening... And it hurts sometimes. What if... I hate what if.
Still don't know what to do about Shawn yet. We keep hanging out. He seems happier. He seems like less of a dick. But like Ezra said, that's what he wants you to think.
I want to talk to Terry.
Later,
-Elle
It's my dad's birthday.
Shawn keeps snooping through my profiles (facebook, youtube, etc.) and it's pissing me off.
I'm so bored.
Can't wait to see Ezra and Ty soon. 4 more and 6 more days, respectively.
I'm hungry.
I don't know what to do or think anymore. My mind keeps changing. My feelings keep flipping. I see an opening and I want to take it, but I'm afraid of the consequences. Because something ALWAYS goes wrong. Nothing EVER goes the way I plan it to. So I don't take that opening... And it hurts sometimes. What if... I hate what if.
Still don't know what to do about Shawn yet. We keep hanging out. He seems happier. He seems like less of a dick. But like Ezra said, that's what he wants you to think.
I want to talk to Terry.
Later,
-Elle
15 April 2011
My neck hurts.
1147 Friday 15 April 2011
Like the right side. I don't know how or why. It's the sternocleidomastoid muscle. Must've laid on it the wrong way. Went to sleep at 4ish, woke up at 7 to take my meds (Ciprofloxacin) and went back to sleep, and woke up again at 11ish. Feels like less sleep than it is. So tired...
Been doing fantastic. I bought Minecraft. Played with Nick and Ezra on multiplayer a few times. Been talking to Ezra and Ty a whole lot more. Going to visit Ez next week for his birthday, and Ty is coming to visit me next weekend. We're going to see Insidious. He's adorable :3
Helped Shawn with his truck yesterday. He wasn't in the best of moods. He said it seems like no matter how hard he tries, something always goes wrong. His car, his truck, his computer, his phone... I told him he still has ME... I hope he cheers up soon, no me gusta.
Gonna hop off of here. Hungry.
-Elle
Like the right side. I don't know how or why. It's the sternocleidomastoid muscle. Must've laid on it the wrong way. Went to sleep at 4ish, woke up at 7 to take my meds (Ciprofloxacin) and went back to sleep, and woke up again at 11ish. Feels like less sleep than it is. So tired...
Been doing fantastic. I bought Minecraft. Played with Nick and Ezra on multiplayer a few times. Been talking to Ezra and Ty a whole lot more. Going to visit Ez next week for his birthday, and Ty is coming to visit me next weekend. We're going to see Insidious. He's adorable :3
Helped Shawn with his truck yesterday. He wasn't in the best of moods. He said it seems like no matter how hard he tries, something always goes wrong. His car, his truck, his computer, his phone... I told him he still has ME... I hope he cheers up soon, no me gusta.
Gonna hop off of here. Hungry.
-Elle
09 April 2011
Haven't written in a while.
1523 Saturday 9 April 2011
In such a better mood nowadays. I don't know what it is. Been talking to Ty and Nick more. There was a point where I didn't talk to Ezra at all (I dunno why... just didn't have anything to say), but here lately we've been talking again. So glad, too. He said I made it to his "permanent contacts list" and that means he either enjoys taking to me "TO THE EXTREME" or we don't talk enough, and that makes him sad. Makes me sad too. :( I really like our conversations. I didn't want the distance to make us grow apart. I'm so glad the he's happy again. I hope he's having fun at home. I wish him and Terry the best, hopefully they don't fight as much now lol. Been talking to and hanging out with Shawn recently. He seems to have changed. But I'm not rushing. If he's the one, then so be it. But I don't want to get hurt again. Time will tell. :)
OH! Nick is setting up a server on Minecraft so he, Ezra and I (when I buy it, soon) can play multiplayer. :D Can't wait!
Suffering from a UTI. Suckage. Mom and I bought something called Azo, and cranberry pills. Been drinking gallons of water and cran-grape juice. Woke up and my kidney hurt but it seems to be feeling better now. Hope this goes away soon. I really don't want to have to go to the doctor to get an antibiotic, but I don't mind. As long as I get better. As long as it doesn't get worse. Lol'd when I read a blog that said that it's sometimes caused by "vigorous sexual activity." I know if you don't flush your bladder afterwards, you can get one. Guess that was my problem. :P Oh well, been feeling better already, so maybe it'll all be over within the next few days.
I am obsessed with making Minecraft skins. Been using a site called minersneedcoolshoes.com. I've already made 8 skins, and about to start on my 9th.
That's all for now,
-Elle <3
In such a better mood nowadays. I don't know what it is. Been talking to Ty and Nick more. There was a point where I didn't talk to Ezra at all (I dunno why... just didn't have anything to say), but here lately we've been talking again. So glad, too. He said I made it to his "permanent contacts list" and that means he either enjoys taking to me "TO THE EXTREME" or we don't talk enough, and that makes him sad. Makes me sad too. :( I really like our conversations. I didn't want the distance to make us grow apart. I'm so glad the he's happy again. I hope he's having fun at home. I wish him and Terry the best, hopefully they don't fight as much now lol. Been talking to and hanging out with Shawn recently. He seems to have changed. But I'm not rushing. If he's the one, then so be it. But I don't want to get hurt again. Time will tell. :)
OH! Nick is setting up a server on Minecraft so he, Ezra and I (when I buy it, soon) can play multiplayer. :D Can't wait!
Suffering from a UTI. Suckage. Mom and I bought something called Azo, and cranberry pills. Been drinking gallons of water and cran-grape juice. Woke up and my kidney hurt but it seems to be feeling better now. Hope this goes away soon. I really don't want to have to go to the doctor to get an antibiotic, but I don't mind. As long as I get better. As long as it doesn't get worse. Lol'd when I read a blog that said that it's sometimes caused by "vigorous sexual activity." I know if you don't flush your bladder afterwards, you can get one. Guess that was my problem. :P Oh well, been feeling better already, so maybe it'll all be over within the next few days.
I am obsessed with making Minecraft skins. Been using a site called minersneedcoolshoes.com. I've already made 8 skins, and about to start on my 9th.
That's all for now,
-Elle <3
01 April 2011
No one I care about reads this, unless I link it to them. So, I quit.
1242 Friday 1 April 2011
Why. Why do I do this? Why do I talk to Terry, or Ezra, or Ty? Because I believe they're my friends? I hardly talk to Ezra anymore because he's home/with Terry, and I don't want to distract him. I have nothing to say to him anymore. Same with Terry. What the fuck am I supposed to say to anyone? "Hey. What's up?" and then not get a response? I feel like it's my fault, that they don't respond. Like my conversation isn't worth responding to. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to move far away. Where no one can suffer having to talk to me anymore.
Dear Ezra,
I'm not abandoning you.
Dear Terry,
Have a nice life.
Dear Ty,
Thanks for everything.
Goodbye,
-Elle
Why. Why do I do this? Why do I talk to Terry, or Ezra, or Ty? Because I believe they're my friends? I hardly talk to Ezra anymore because he's home/with Terry, and I don't want to distract him. I have nothing to say to him anymore. Same with Terry. What the fuck am I supposed to say to anyone? "Hey. What's up?" and then not get a response? I feel like it's my fault, that they don't respond. Like my conversation isn't worth responding to. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to move far away. Where no one can suffer having to talk to me anymore.
Dear Ezra,
I'm not abandoning you.
Dear Terry,
Have a nice life.
Dear Ty,
Thanks for everything.
Goodbye,
-Elle
28 March 2011
Fuck.
1021 Monday 28 March 2011
Space from Shawn is harder than expected. Can't stop thinking about it. Why did I do this again? I know no one else wants me, and I know he does. So, why did I do this? Oh yeah, because Ezra and Nick thought it would be best. They said I would be happier without him, and that I should be more confident. But why? He's the only man I've ever truly loved, and vice versa. I don't know what to do... Wait until someone confesses their undying love for me, or get back with Shawn? Only time will tell I guess. I just don't want to get hurt again...
Been talking to Benjes, Terry's friend recently. He understands what I'm going through... He seems like a nice guy, but he says that girls don't like him. I have someone (third-party) to talk to about my problems now, without being judged.
Ty. Ty is the epitome of awesomesauce. 'Nuff said.
Haven't been talking to Ezra much, I don't know what to say to him anymore... I know he's at home and wants to hang with Terry. I don't want to interrupt that. Haven't been talking to Terry much either. She seems happier now that Ezra is home. That's good... Now, everytime I talk to either of them I feel like "Debbie-downer." Well, I'm so sorry for being lonely, and feeling like I have no one left... I didn't mean to rain on your parade... I guess I just won't say anything to either until they say something first. I don't want to waste their time, now that they're together (in person) again... I cry almost everyday, not necessarily about Shawn, but... I never wanted to feel like this again. Depressed... I know I should be happy that I am free from my cage, but these things take time... I'm sorry I can't move on so quickly. He was my life... My true love.
Things aren't going well... I thought things would go differently. That's just how my life goes I guess, always expecting the best and getting the worst.
I just want to feel wanted again... I want someone to say, "I love you, Elle. Come with me, I'll keep you safe. I'll protect you from harm. Forever."
I just want to be held... And be told that everything will be okay... I want to be wrapped up safely in your arms.
I just want you to love me. I don't want to hurt anymore.
Space from Shawn is harder than expected. Can't stop thinking about it. Why did I do this again? I know no one else wants me, and I know he does. So, why did I do this? Oh yeah, because Ezra and Nick thought it would be best. They said I would be happier without him, and that I should be more confident. But why? He's the only man I've ever truly loved, and vice versa. I don't know what to do... Wait until someone confesses their undying love for me, or get back with Shawn? Only time will tell I guess. I just don't want to get hurt again...
Been talking to Benjes, Terry's friend recently. He understands what I'm going through... He seems like a nice guy, but he says that girls don't like him. I have someone (third-party) to talk to about my problems now, without being judged.
Ty. Ty is the epitome of awesomesauce. 'Nuff said.
Haven't been talking to Ezra much, I don't know what to say to him anymore... I know he's at home and wants to hang with Terry. I don't want to interrupt that. Haven't been talking to Terry much either. She seems happier now that Ezra is home. That's good... Now, everytime I talk to either of them I feel like "Debbie-downer." Well, I'm so sorry for being lonely, and feeling like I have no one left... I didn't mean to rain on your parade... I guess I just won't say anything to either until they say something first. I don't want to waste their time, now that they're together (in person) again... I cry almost everyday, not necessarily about Shawn, but... I never wanted to feel like this again. Depressed... I know I should be happy that I am free from my cage, but these things take time... I'm sorry I can't move on so quickly. He was my life... My true love.
Things aren't going well... I thought things would go differently. That's just how my life goes I guess, always expecting the best and getting the worst.
I just want to feel wanted again... I want someone to say, "I love you, Elle. Come with me, I'll keep you safe. I'll protect you from harm. Forever."
I just want to be held... And be told that everything will be okay... I want to be wrapped up safely in your arms.
I just want you to love me. I don't want to hurt anymore.
25 March 2011
Space.
2235 Friday 25 March 2011
I told Shawn that we needed space apart from each other. I finally took Ezra's advice.
I told Shawn that we needed space apart from each other. I finally took Ezra's advice.
I told him that he brings up my past, and I can't change it. I told him that I feel like shit for going to Western and having friends. I told him no matter how many times I tell him the truth, he never believes me. He blames me for everything (not going to a university, etc.)
I told him we need space apart.
And he sped off, after calling himself a piece of shit.
And he was actually trying to make it all my fault, like he always does.
Ezra was right. He IS a psychic vampire.
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