1314 Wednesday 22 June 2011
Yesterday was absolutely perfect. Seriously. Ian took me to see Ezra and I had the time of my life. I hadn't laughed that much (or that hard) in so long. I can't believe how much I missed him. I was so sad having to leave. I never want to leave that boy. He's the most amazing person in the entire world. It hurts me to see him sad, but it's what he wants. He needs time to cope with everything that's happened the past few weeks. I'm here to support him always. :)
Nick should be coming today. If not... honestly, really tired of getting stood up.
Shawn tried to kill himself last night. "I would rather die now, having everything you have given me, than believing that you don't want anything to do with me." He took a slew of drugs his friends have given him over time and mixed it with alcohol. It's not fair to me. If he dies, it will be my fault. His family, my family, our friends. They will blame it on me. I don't want that. But it's either stay with him and be miserable, or leave him and he dies. What the fuck. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be with him. Especially if he keeps acting the same way that made me fall out of love with him. But I don't want to lose him completely either. I want us to still be friends...
By the way, I keep having these strange bouts where I'll try to cry but no tears will come. I'll even think of a really extreme scenario, and tears come, but they don't last. I find it truly bothersome. Crying used to come so easily for me. I don't know what's causing this.
Anyway, I'm going to surf r/nosleep for a while. At least until Nick gets here, if he ever does.
I love you, Ezra. Forever and always. :)
-Elle
No comments:
Post a Comment