Ezra and his parents just dropped me off at my house. I went up to Cullowhee on Wednesday for an academic advising appointment. I had a lot of questions that needed answers. Before my appointment I visited Nick, gave him a hug and a keychain that has his name on it, that I got from the beach. After, I visited Jeff and Seth, giving Jeff his keychain, and hugging both. Afterwards I went to Ezra and Logan's. Logan wasn't there, and Ezra was asleep (and you really shouldn't wake a sleeping bear). I nudged his knee to wake him up, but he kind of looked at me, rolled over, and went back to sleep. I sat at his desk hoping he would realize that he had company that couldn't stay long. I started reading "The Stand" by Steven King. It's really good. I'll have to check it out soon to finish it. I ended up starting a note to Logan, and then connected his keychain to it. Then, I wrote Ezra one, and folded his "man-celet" inside. Mom texted me saying that she wanted to leave, and that made me sad. I didn't get to hang out with him. So anyway, we left. Jerrica walked me to my car. Mom and I stopped at Ryan's (restaurant in Sylva) and while I was there, Seth texted me and said Sarah might me able to take me home. Long story short, she could, Seth picked me up, mom left. Seth and I went to the Dollar Store because he said he wanted to find something, he ended up buying me some plastic ice cubes and a tiny Coca-Cola cup. He then dropped me off in front of Harrill, and I proceeded to walk back up to Ezra's room. I got there and he was still asleep, his note untouched. I took the note, and put it in my purse (as it only made sense if I wasn't there), and stuck the bracelet back in the bag (I left Logan's note, he still hadn't returned). Ezra woke up and we got to hang (FINALLY), and I gave him his present. We watched YouTube videos and he played some Minecraft. Logan and his girlfriend Nicole came over and got into Logan's bed. Almost half of that night was filled with strange noises and Ezra and I exchanging disgusted expressions. We stayed up all night laughing about stuff and talking about computer shit (I missed that. I missed everything. How it used to be). And complained of how hungry we were. We even contemplated walking all the way up to Walmart, a trip that would have taken us three hours and 40 minutes to make.
He, Seth, and I got breakfast in the morning (I have noticed that I haven't had much of an appetite for the past few days, I never finish my food). We had a awkward yet awesome conversation about how I could be pregnant. Psh. It was time for Ezra to go to class so I went with Seth to Balsam. I ended up breaking down crying in his room. We talked about how I've been feeling, and I confided in him a few things I haven't told anyone. He made me coffee, and played the song "Listen to Your Heart," which made me cry more. Jeff came in from his classes, then Heather and Ashton (with Silly String), and we all sat and talked for a bit. Ezra texted me telling me that he was done with classes and was headed towards his room, so I excused myself and walked back up to Harrill. When I got there he was on his computer, as always. He then said he was going to sleep, so we both climbed on his bed, watched a few videos on his Chrome OS laptop, and both of us fell asleep. Later that day, Logan and Nicole came in and got on his bed. A few hours later, they said they were hungry and asked if Ezra or I wanted to go get food. I was starving, but Ezra refused to budge lol. I offered to bring him back something, he thumbed-up. Always a good sign. Logan, Nicole, and I headed towards the dining hall and ate (it was nice seeing the few people I saw that night), then she went back to her room. I got Ezra food from Panda and ice cream. Mint chocolate chip. The kind he always gets. I figured that would make him smile/feel better. As Logan and I waited for the Rape Train (CatTran), we saw a cop almost hit some kid. Anyway, we arrived. Their room was a mess, and Ezra wasn't awake yet, so I put his food in the fridge and Logan and I cleaned the room (throwing away trash as necessary). I organized Ezra's belongings, just like I used to do for him in Reynolds. I don't mind being his "maid." As long as he's happy. Logan's side still looks like crap, but Ezra's looked pretty spotless. I felt good lol. He woke up and I served him his food, and the three of us talked for a while. After, Logan went to sleep and Ezra and I watched more videos and Minecrafted for a while. We watched the Matrix, and I kept falling asleep on his shoulder. I think I ended up moving to his bed, and he stayed on his computer, still 'Crafting.
The next morning, I woke up, Logan shaved, and he, Ezra, Will, and I went to get breakfast at Chick-Fil-A. Logan left with Todd, so the three of us just sat there for a while and talked. I walked Ezra to his class, he had a test to take. I sat in the hall and started cleaning out my purse while he was studying in the classroom. I remember looking up for one second, and noticed he was looking back. I looked away like nothing happened, but I couldn't help but feel weird inside. I just didn't know what it was. A mix between surprised and something else. I just couldn't put my finger on it. Through all the trolling, maybe he does care. And I started thinking about what Seth and I talked about. I called Shawn while I was waiting and we ended up talking about pregnancy symptoms. I know I'm not, but I find it weird that I'm showing a few signs. Loss of appetite, dizziness, insomnia, fatigue, weight gain. Whatever. Ezra got done with his test (he ended up getting a 100%, and I was more than proud), and we walked back to his room. We chilled on the internet for a while, doing the usual. I had to leave soon, because Sarah was supposed to take me home. He said that I should stay, and he was leaving tomorrow (Saturday). I was mildly dumbfounded. Was HE going to take me home? He texted his dad and he was okay with it, so I texted Sarah and told her to go ahead without me. I was just happy that I got to spend more time with him. We both went to go take another nap. I kept waking up for some reason, and Shawn kept pissing me off. So I called him. When I got back to Ezra's room, he was still asleep so I read more of "The Stand." He stayed asleep, and it was getting late. I ended up sleeping on Logan's bed (as he had already left for Spring Break).
I woke up to the sound of YouTube. Ezra had been awake for about an hour. I brushed my teeth, then climbed up there with him. We watched a video and he nudged me off the bed. He headed to the shower. When he got back he got on his laptop and watched more videos. I wanted a shower, so I took one of Logan's clean towels and Ezra's shampoo/body wash, and took one. When I got back, he and I watched more videos, especially the newest episode of My Little Pony. His parents showed up. I let them in, and Ezra packed the things he was bringing home with him. We left, and stopped at Sonic. We were starving, but his parents had already eaten. We got on the highway. It was quiet for a while as I didn't know what to say. I just sat there and stared sadly out the window. I think he was IMing Terry, so I started texting Nick and Shawn. I was lonely I guess. I guessed he noticed that my phone kept derping everytime I tried to reply to a message, because he asked me what kind of phone I have. I think he looked up how to resolve the problem. His dad stopped at a gas station and Ez asked for my phone, he said that the only way it could be fixed is if he reset it. I didn't care too much. I had the numbers of the people I text the most memorized, I just didn't want to lose my pictures. Oh well. I acquiesced. And it stopped restarting. Thank you so much, Ezra Gray! He said it was because I wouldn't delete all my messages. He's right lol. From then on, the ride was pretty awesome. He was trying to get his laptop to connect to his phone's bluetooth so he could use the internet. He succeeded. He's just good like that. We stopped at a rest stop, and those of us with "mouse bladders" relieved ourselves. Then, back on the road. We started to get close to Winston, but Ezra was not confident in my ability to find our way to my house so he turned on the GPS on his phone. His mom ended up turning us an exit too soon, so we had to turn around. Then his dad didn't stay on the off/on ramp so we passed it. Eventually we were on the right track again lol. There was an incident with an umbrella, and my mom. But I won't go into that. We showed up at my house, I told them to wait a minute so I could go get Terry's keychain. I gave it to Ezra to give to her, thanked his parents for giving me a ride, and said goodbye. I hate goodbyes. I won't be able to see him again until April (his birthday). I texted Shawn and told him I was home, and he came over for a few. We talked, and we're all good. He's been so sad lately. And so have I. We reassured each other that we only wanted each other for life, no one else. He finally came to terms with Ezra being my best friend. So glad. That was really starting to annoy me. I think I should be allowed to be friends with whomever I please. He gave me a poem he wrote the first day he saw me:
"I woke up this morningNeedless to say, I cried. I told him, little did he know I felt the same way about the moment I first saw him. And **CENSORED**. Then, he left. I texted Ezra to see if he was home yet, he said he was, so I told him I hope he has a good break and to text me whenever. Now I'm typing this, listening to Josh blast music in his room through the wall. I don't mind too much right now. Think I'm done with this blog entry anyway, sorry it was so long. Just haven't written in a while. Hope you all have a good night. Sweet dreams.
like usual, nothing new.
I walked into class late
to see your beautiful smiling face first.
It was at that moment when I saw you, that my heart lurched.
After that moment I needed you so badly it hurt.
With your hazel eyes and flowing chocolate hair,
all I could do was stare.
I knew right then that you could be the only one for me.
I'm just not sure how to make you see me for me.
I'll wait, and wait, and wait... You will see.
I was made just for you, and perfectly you for me."
Much love,
-Elle
P.S. Yes, it kind of took me 3 hours to write this. Shawn came over halfway through it, so I stopped writing for a while. And after he left, it took me a while to make sure I had the sequence of events right.
P.P.S. Shawn has called twice since he left and sent a text saying "I need you. I shouldn't have left." He's so sweet. I love him so much.
are you ok?