Conversation between Stephen and I

are you awake?

guess not...

never mind...

hey sorry ive been watching a show whats up?

i needed someone to talk to

im sorry im here noww ha

yeah...

whats going on?

nothing...

i just needed to cry

are you ok?

i miss everyone

i wish shawn would stop doubting me

i know those are stupid reasons to cry over

but sometimes i just need to cry

no its not thats a perfectly good reason

im sorry you miss everyone and things are rocky with him it will get better soon though

its not rocky

its just that i say i love him and he doesnt believe me anymore

im sorry i just assumed thats what you ment. why doesnt e believe you?

because ezra is my best friend

and he thinks i love him more

i dont

admittedly

i once did

but then i realized

i dont want to ruin our friendship

i understand

have you guys talked about it?

you guys meaning who?

you and shawn?

yeah we talked about it

we fought

a lot

i keep telling him that ez is just my friedn

*friend

he doesnt believe me

and the one time i need him most

so i can cry on his shoulder

hes not here

hes at home (2 minutes away)

asleep

im sorry

is there a reason he doesnt believe you?

he just thinks i care for ezra more

i care for both equally

in different ways

did you tell him that?

yes

many times

like that exactly?

yes

i can see how he would be jealous though

yeah

but he shouldnt me

*be

i love him

always have

always will

shouldnt be but that doesnt change the fact that its easy to get jealous ha

shoot i get jealous of me and erikas cat ha that damn thing gets more attention than me on a regular basis haha

haha

thanks for being there for me

im always here and dont worry this will pass its hard to control jealousy but it gets easier with time i promise

yeah...

thanks bro

he knows you love him

that makes all the difference trust me ha

i know he knows, i just wish he would believe it

i know and im not sure what to do about it i know it would make him feel better and somehow more important if you had something to say that put him above ezra and made him feel more important than anyone

its kind of a guy thing a dominance thing ha

but hey im not telling you to say anything bad im just saying thats how most guys work ha

i love them both. they're amazing people, and I'm glad ive had the oppurtunity to meet both of them...

but theres a difference between the passion i feel for shawn

and the loyalty and pride i feel for ez

two different kinds of love

yea sometimes that can just be confused but he will realize it

i mean your engaged to him not ezra ha that should be at least a little proof of how you care about him

exactly...

well here let me tell you this

when you mistrust someone even the smallest bit its kinda hard to trust them again without proof they deserve it

like today erika said she made a new friend

of cours it was another guy but the thing is theyve never actually met they just randomly started talking on facebook

so of course im not gonna approve of her talking to strangers especially guys ha

so she says they are friends and he goes to a l brow so ive got nothing to worry about and he has a girlfriend

so i went to his profile and hes single so im like uhhh

then i get on her profile and go through her messages cuz she said he sent her a message but alas no message but there are a few of her talking to more random people ha

but when i calmed down and actually read them i realized she was just talking to people from her old school

and its still weird for me cuz i get jealous sooo easy

partly cuz most of her friends are single guys which SUCKs but you get used to

it

anyway sorry that was long ha ill explain

i didnt trust her when i should have and when i read into it i realized i had no reason not to trust her and realized that since she was loyal to ME and nobody else thats all i needed

yeah shawn went through my texts a few weeks ago. he was wondering why there were more from ezra, than from him. he read them all. misinterpreted every single one.

i wouldve done the same...

thats when the fight started

we are proctective of the ones we love

he just doesnt understand

he wanted me to choose between them

and sorry that story was so long i just felt bad for doing it and wanted to tell someone she hates it when i get nosey ha

either love shawn and never talk to ezra, or be ezras friend and shawn hate me

ew yea thats not a good choice

i dont want to choose

i want to care about whoever i want to care about

without being judged

i still havent told shawn that ezras my maid of honot

*honor

but that just comes from him being protective and wanting to know that he is the only one

you havent told him yet?

he IS my only one

no...

im afraid of what he'll say

welllll youve got time

wait until they are cool with each other then tell him ha

if that ever happens

i know if i was in that situation you telling me i was the only one and all that would be good but i for some reason i need it repeated alot before i finally get it like oh you love ME? ok i get it now ha

itll just take a little time

haha yeah

thanks...

i think im going to go to bed... i want to get up early to hang with shawn

sorry i kept you up

jealousy sucks its a battle everyday ha and dont worry about it im just watching my show you know im always here

get some rest sounds like you could use it

kay... thanks, yeah i do lol

goodnight and dont worry too much this will pass sweet dreams

you too

goodnight