Fuck.

1021 Monday 28 March 2011

Space from Shawn is harder than expected. Can't stop thinking about it. Why did I do this again? I know no one else wants me, and I know he does. So, why did I do this? Oh yeah, because Ezra and Nick thought it would be best. They said I would be happier without him, and that I should be more confident. But why? He's the only man I've ever truly loved, and vice versa. I don't know what to do... Wait until someone confesses their undying love for me, or get back with Shawn? Only time will tell I guess. I just don't want to get hurt again...

Been talking to Benjes, Terry's friend recently. He understands what I'm going through... He seems like a nice guy, but he says that girls don't like him. I have someone (third-party) to talk to about my problems now, without being judged.

Ty. Ty is the epitome of awesomesauce. 'Nuff said.

Haven't been talking to Ezra much, I don't know what to say to him anymore... I know he's at home and wants to hang with Terry. I don't want to interrupt that. Haven't been talking to Terry much either. She seems happier now that Ezra is home. That's good... Now, everytime I talk to either of them I feel like "Debbie-downer." Well, I'm so sorry for being lonely, and feeling like I have no one left... I didn't mean to rain on your parade... I guess I just won't say anything to either until they say something first. I don't want to waste their time, now that they're together (in person) again... I cry almost everyday, not necessarily about Shawn, but... I never wanted to feel like this again. Depressed... I know I should be happy that I am free from my cage, but these things take time... I'm sorry I can't move on so quickly. He was my life... My true love.

Things aren't going well... I thought things would go differently. That's just how my life goes I guess, always expecting the best and getting the worst.

I just want to feel wanted again... I want someone to say, "I love you, Elle. Come with me, I'll keep you safe. I'll protect you from harm. Forever."

I just want to be held... And be told that everything will be okay... I want to be wrapped up safely in your arms.

I just want you to love me. I don't want to hurt anymore.