0633 Thursday 17 March 2011
Why am I still writing in this? Only one person reads it, maybe two. Terry and Nick...
Shawn and I went to go get my fish today. A black moor fancy goldfish. I think it's male, not sure. I named him "Sudo" with the help of Nick, Ezra, and Terry (I also liked Linux, Wifi, Sudo, Pixel, Digit, Qwerty, and Ascii). Then he went back to his house. He looks depressed again and I don't really know why. We had a small fight the night before that we resolved, but he tends to let problems linger on his mind. And with him being introverted, he doesn't like discussing it.
I've been talking to Ezra again. Our conversations have gotten better. It doesn't feel forced like it did for the past few weeks. Feels good man. I feel a strong brotherly feeling whenever I talk to him or think about him. I've been loyal to him through good times and bad. I miss staying up all night with him making fun of people, or laughing about stupid shit on the Internet. I mean, I can still do that via IM, but there's nothing like being in person. He's a hilarious mother fucker lol. I'm glad he and I are so close. Bros 'til death! Haha... I leave him random comments/texts/IMs, just to try to brighten his day. The little things, ya know? I know I'd like it, I figure it would make him smile. If even for a few seconds, on the inside. I think he needs that... He deserves to be happy. ALL the time. I'm glad I can try to be there for him when he's lonely or sad. I mean, what can I say? He's like a little brother to me, I want to protect him from the atrocities of the world. I know I can't, but I can sure as hell try. I love ya, bro. And I'll always be here if/when you need me. Until the day I die. If you're reading this (which I know you're probably not) I just wanted to let you know. Oh well, he knows it already I'm sure. I tell him all the time :) I guess it's just in my psychological nature to get feedback. Someone to tell me "Hey, thanks for being there for me" or "I appreciate everything you do" ...or "I'm proud of you." It's okay that he doesn't give feedback. I know that he knows. I know how he feels. So, it's all good lol.
Makes me sad he wants to leave WCU, maybe indefinitely. I want him to be happy, whatever he decides to do. But I don't want to miss him anymore... I know that's probably selfish of me, but he's the closest friend I've ever had in my life. I'm blessed to have met him. The stars must have been aligned that day. Who knew that we'd end up sharing this? We've grown together. He's changed me in ways I can't even find words to explain, and I thank him everyday for it.
Talked to Ty until 0210. He's really cool, and laid-back. I'm glad Terry "introduced" us.
Terry hasn't been on chat. I think it's because she didn't want to stay up all night again. I feel somewhat responsible. I mean I talk to her practically all day and all night. We both end up forgetting that she has to get up early for school. I want her to be happy too... with everything. She doesn't deserve having to deal with everyone else's problems on top of her own. That's too much for a young teenager to handle.
Still talking to Ezra, I mean he's online but the last thing he said was at 0523, so bid him farewell. Told him to have a good day in class. I can't go to sleep until I make sure my brother gets on the bus. Getting a little tired. Oh, and I decided I wasn't going to eat fast food or drink soda anymore, and also that I would exercise more. Like for reals this time. I know I'm not "fat." I'm actually at a healthy weight for my age and height. I just have pudge that I don't want to get out of control, is all. It can easily keep growing and growing if I let it, and I don't want that to happen.
Happy St. Patrick's Day,
-Elle
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